DIARY

TAKING STOCK: THE YEAR I TURNED TWENTY

The year I turned 20 started off with trying times. Close to the end of the previous year, I was so excited about  growing and I had a number of plans to execute, to make me roar into my twenties with pride and feelings of accomplishments and then came along two business ideas;

Just then disaster struck, and by November, my phone fell into a washing machine like I previously mentioned and never remained the same. I didn’t really feel the loss of my phone afterwards cos I was able to recover my sim card and I was then collaborating with my mom to use her phone (we ran shifts..lol) not until the day an angel came into my room and cut my sim card with a scissors. Wowww, what was I meant to be doing with my life now? No phone, no sim card and plenty big dreams.  It didn’t take long for me to get another sim and I started being a little active on Instagram, since I didn’t have access to any other social media using my mom’s phone.

turning 20, the roaring twenties

By February that year I turned 20, ASUU strike had been called off and I had to come back to school without a phone. My dad offered me a small phone which I refused it with reasons that; A) if he had access to me all the time, he wouldn’t remember I needed a phone and also B) a small phone of that nature can only be used for making calls and sending text messages and I am not particularly excited about either as a phone to me is basically for blogging, social media and photography, every other thing is secondary.

And that was how I returned to school to start a semester without a phone still dragging along my big dreams and my business plans. Wondering how I coped? Not well, I had a laptop though given to me by my mom which put me through burnt chargers, broken borrowed modems and stale windows software but all that is a story for another day.

Semester starting off well, I moved to a new campus different from where I stayed the previous session, different from where all my colleagues stayed, and there came another life, the life of a hermit. I come to class early every morning, sit at my designated position till the end of class, exchange pleasantries with my friends and other course mates and I’m back to my hostel…sometimes though I check up on my friends in their hostels before going back. I kept getting the complaint of being scarce and why I haven’t bought a phone yet and all that but I just played along.

I kept to myself so much but this was not as a result of being sad or depressed. I felt I would be able to access what is going on in my life if I could just tune down a little. Lack of phone and the fact I camped in a new environment, slowed down my goals, my tote bag line which was what I was excited about majorly on returning just occupied a ground level and being that my goal for my bag line failed, my enthusiasm for my second goal came crashing.

Long story brought forward, this would officially be my first birthday without a phone to either get birthday calls, or probably to see my pictures on people’s stories on WhatsApp and I couldn’t help wishing that this was the year I turn 19 because that year usually does not come with as much excitement and plans as the 20s. Turning 20 is usually well planned for and is celebrated gloriously. I had so many plans for the year I turn 20 and they would not come out as I planned mainly because of my low account schedule but boy… I’m still pumped. Account on red not being a barrier, the year I turn 20 is going to be my best birthday yet.

This is the year I turn 20 and one exceptional thing I noticed that happened to me this month is that I’ve grown so well and this time, I can reasonably place my hands on the areas where I’ve grown. Seemingly little things that would have caused me concern and serious mood swings are now overlooked, I mentioned I stay in a different campus from a majority of my friends who only have the opportunity of visiting me once and I don’t even see it as a big deal. Presently, I’ve been without phone for eight months (basically a whole session) and I cannot believe I’m still sane and thriving powerfully. Do you get me? Compared to where I was last year, I’ve shown some serious growth.

I remember having a conversation with a colleague earlier in the week and somehow when she asked about my phone, I mentioned not having one. She wanted to know when I lost it, or how it got bad  but I just pointed out that I’ve not had a phone since the semester began and then she was like, ‘What about your blog, your photography, how are you coping?’ And then I just nonchalantly stated that everything was on hold at the moment as I had been phoneless for 8 whole months.

She looked shocked and then hugged me so tight I started laughing, then she went ahead to mention that what I just told her had increased her love for me, she pointed out that for her, not having a phone for nothing short of three months is enough to get her depressed, is enough to get her on her parents’ wrong side and all and so seeing that I have been living without a phone in a student community for eight months and still remaining as jovial as ever makes her speechless. Then she left me with “I’m proud of you”.

 Still digesting the compliment, I couldn’t help wonder if what she pointed out isn’t exactly what the me in the previous year would have done, I would probably have been having a grudge against the whole world for not having a phone in this times of iPhones and Google pixels, I would have even moved further and wondered whether probably it’s because I’m just a shadow or my life is not impacting anyone that’s why no one had seen me worthy of being gifted a phone. I might even have started wondering why I have the worst of lucks and bringing to memory all the bad things that my friends escaped from that came to me. I might have had thoughts worse than she had but fortunately, I’ve never let my thoughts stray to anything like that as I always try to stay as happy as I can.

Also, for the first time in my life, I didn’t have any emotion for the month of May, I mean, I felt nothing, absolutely nothing. I wasn’t scared; I wasn’t angry…my exams were basically what pre-occupied my thoughts. Fast forward to the month of June, I didn’t have any scary dream and I didn’t have to make any urgent prayer begging to forget about this day, for the first time, all of this happened the year I turned 20. In that year, birthday blues (depression) stayed far away from me and this experience made me realize that sometimes, when we have the courage to voice out our innermost fears that manage to keep us paralyzed, they lose their holds on us. I saw this come to play the year I turned 20 and I’m grateful for such experience.

Talking about my birthday depression the previous year was one of the scariest things I did for the blog, I came out so raw that at a point, I was regretting having to share that part of me but then when the comments started coming in, I was overwhelmed, it was so unreal to think that some other people have had the same issues I’ve been trying to get release from and then came healing! So yeah, it’s okay to share your thoughts sometimes; getting to share them gives you a relief of sorts. It’s funny to look back at my 19 and see how much has changed, my confidence, my attitude towards life, my friends, you get the drill! 

The year I turned 20 is today, 20th June, 2019. I’m a twenty year old hamper of all the favourite packages the creator has put in place. Hallelujah! Today marks my last day as a teenager, my last day of having a teen behind my age, (or is there anything like ‘twenteen’?). It’s also my first decade of being an adult and the beginning of my journey into the world of the twenty something. Today marks my 20th birthday and I am feeling incredibly blessed.

Although, I’m a little scared about growing up and maturing (and becoming a woman), I’m excited knowing that Philippians 4:3 is still something. I’ve come to the conclusion that growing up is AWESOME. I’m passionate about things that nobody else understands and actually have solid opinions now. It took me 20 years to finally be comfortable with myself and not care so much about what other people think. Being in the university has provided me with the freedom to actually grow and learn the concepts I want to learn. And although I’m not totally saved, I gained a much needed perspective. I obsessed over a past I couldn’t change and worried about a future I had no control over. I over think, I over-analyze people and situations. I read too much into body language or certain words, and so on but I’m doing my best to live in the moment. As I’m writing this, I want nothing more than to be happy and healthy. Having the mindset that if all else fails, I will still continue to pursue the things that bring me the most joy in life.

Happy birthday Golibe, welcome to the life! And cheers to a year of completing your goals.

P.S: It’s after 2am presently and I’m still typing this. My bunky bunk-mate just gifted me a bottle of Chamdor Red grape wine,boyyyyy! My day is just about to be lit.

8 thoughts on “TAKING STOCK: THE YEAR I TURNED TWENTY”

  1. The beautiful thing about writing is how you get to follow your growth process. I’m proud of how you’ve been able to manage things that would have previously affected the balance of your life, to understanding that a lot of things do not matter as much as you thought it did. I’m off to read your last year birthday post. Cheers to more growth and happiness

    Liked by 1 person

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